About Reunions

When my husband asked me what I was looking forward to the most moving back to Singapore, I did not hesitate for a second: my friends. I said it with tears piling up in my eyes. Chicken Rice and Din Tai Fung shared the second place though.

It’s not a small period of time I lived here in the past. It was 11 years. Most of my adult life before kids. And lot of the people I met on my first round are surprisingly still here. This little red dot holds a great deal of memories for me.

The nostalgia is quite significant.

One can argue that everything before kids is romanticised but there’s so much more to it than that. Living here but not being from here creates a deep connection with the people that share the same circumstances as you. A connection that in my case has survived years and timezones.

I didn’t find that connection or sense of community in the years I was away. I made 3 good friends, but that’s it. Whenever I met new people I had to explain what my previous life was like in past tense. Sometimes I felt like I was either sounding like a nostalgic grandma (talking about the good old days) or I was very close to the boundary of sounding like a show off.

I missed the expat community dearly.

You don’t need to explain any of this to them because they have lived it too. You don’t need to mince your words in fear of sounding too exotic, too cool for school. I missed the openness to meet new people, the diversity and the help we give each other.

While this appreciation for the expat community was always there, back in the day I used to think Singapore was not really “the real world”. That “the real word” was better because it was “the real thing”. That living here was living in an artificial bubble, like a Disneyland for adults to have fun where everything is manicured and nothing is spontaneous.

Now I think “the real world” is overrated.

I went back to “the real world” and realised it doesn’t treat women, and particularly mothers, nicely. Simple things in life can be so challenging in “the real world” that you live in survival mode, at the bottom of the Manslow pyramid, and there’s hardly any space for enjoyment or fulfilment.

This is particularly hard to accept when you come from living in Singapore, the land of convenience. When you had that and you lost it the comparison is unavoidable. At the beginning you give up on the standards you acquired because you know they are too high, “not real” but at the same time you can’t understand why things that clearly don’t work, big things, just don’t get fixed. Broken government systems that don’t protect their own citizens for example. People just get on with their lives and take the punch while you think: this will never happen in Singapore.

Returning to Singapore has made me appreciate (even more) what this country provides and the quality of life we enjoy.

Every day, in many different ways, I’m thankful for being here. I am aware that the comfort of my everyday life it is the real luxury. Singapore has become a lot more expensive to say the least. We are now Crazy Poor Expats in the land of Crazy Rich Asians, but with everything that’s currently happening in “the real world”, just being here, being safe and well provided is a big enough blessing.

The downside is that I can’t really gel with those that don’t appreciate this place in the same way that I do. Every once in a while you have a reunion with people that have been here so long they have forgotten where they came from, or simply have not experienced life “in the real world” ever. It’s a rare occurrence. I suppose there’s eternally unsatisfied people everywhere, but when I encounter them now it detonates a visceral feeling of rejection inside of me.

It seems that in Singapore you can acquire such a high standard for everything that you become trapped by it. You always want more and better, and the sense of gratitude just disappears.

You are constantly exposed to more and to better here. It’s unavoidable. I see at least 4 super cars a day. The property in front of where I (humbly) live has been listed for 75 million dollars. There’s a reason why Crazy Rich Asians was set in Singapore. If you jump into that hamster wheel you are just setting yourself up for failure.

Being a slave of your own unrealistic expectations can only bring you misery in life. Here and anywhere. Nothing is ever going to make you satisfied, everything is going to be a problem and you will find fault in the most ridiculous things. I choose to count my blessings.

The upside is that I’ve meet other second rounders too. And that my dears, is like fireworks! Also a whole new bunch of people who are in the same point in life and share a similar view of things. You know who you are!

Reuniting in Singapore with old friends has also helped me reconcile two sides of me.

The single professional of my first phase and the expat wife and mother I am now. It’s incredibly comforting to spend time with people that knew me from before. It makes me feel like I am still the same person. That those two versions are real and not just in my head. It is actually therapeutic. When I was away nobody knew the “me before kids”.

I particularly enjoy meeting old colleagues that valued me as a professional and have philosophical marketing talks with them.

I want to treasure this journey now that I have a second chance to do so, but from a different perspective. From the eyes of the expat that left and came back.

OK, I think you get it now, I love this place. My sense of wonder and gratitude for Singapore has basically exploded. It has pushed me to start writing again. There’s no more fancy dinners, champagne brunches, trendy clubs, tropical getaways, corporate events or endless cocktail dress shopping in my life anymore. I’m a Crazy Poor Expat but I still have a lot to share.

I do not miss that, but I did the years I lived away. I’m not going to lie.

With a pinch in the heart I thought I had moved on to another phase in my life and I just had my memories of my past life in Singapore to treasure. Fast-forward and, maybe because I’m in the epicentre of those memories, I do not chase them anymore. I’m content with just getting a taste of it every now and then. I feel incredibly lucky that I can relive a bit of my life before kids.

My soul nowadays is content with the occasional coffee (or green juice) and the endless chit chats by the pool. With the school drop-off conversations and bumping into the neighbours. With the everyday ordinary musings of expat life. The sunshine, the storms, the jungle, the food and the community. The fact that my kids are growing up here and that my husband and I share that with them in present tense, not in past tense, is priceless.

So here’s a declaration of intentions.

I vow to put on my pink glasses and look at the happy side of life while not ignoring the tough and uncomfortable.

To take my ridiculously big collection of shoes out for walks and display them, sharing my life through my feet. I am currently a person that lives in Birkenstocks and has a permanent Birkenstock Arizona tan line, so I need extra motivation to do so.

I will share my adventures, thoughts, reflexions, recommendations, bargains and random funny stuff. I would love you to join me in the journey.

I hope you enjoyed reading my musings today and look forward to the next one.

Until next time

Xoxo.