We already know, so why don’t we do it?

The 100,000 commandments of modern womanhood.

I love shoes, I really do. I bought a new pair last month. There’s nothing groundbreaking about this but at the same time there is, because I ignored all the signs that were telling me that buying them was a bad idea.

It was during school holidays. I was coming back home with my daughter and passed by the shop of one of my favourite brands.

I stopped to browse because they had a sale going on. Then I saw them… A beautiful pair of brand new pony hair Bambi print Maryjanes, at S$70 only (only!) That’s like second hand price but new! - I tell myself.

They go with what I’m wearing now - I tell myself.

Everything else around them looked dull. I looked dull. They go with a lot of my clothes - I tell myself.

They make the outfit I’m wearing feel less tired. They make ME look less tired.

So I checked the size, I checked the fit, I checked the materials. Leather inside, leather outside and rubber sole. Check check check! And I bought them, and I wore them straight away. Of course.

And… OF COURSE… they instantly destroy my feet. Shoe bites everywhere… even blood. The way back home wasn’t even that long, but it was hell.

Surprised? No. Me neither.

It took me less time to realise my mistake than it’s taken me to write this post.

• I hardly wear closed shoes in Singapore anymore because my feel swell during the day, up to half a size. I do sling backs now.

• It’s not a good idea to go shopping during school holidays, with the kids, when you don’t feel the best version of yourself and you want a quick dopamine fix to feel better.

• It’s not a good idea to buy obvious trends, like bambi print, even on discount.

• It’s not a good idea to wear the shoes straight away.

  
  

Instead of sleeping on a very questionable decision, I took the path of no return. Why not leaving the shoes in the box for a few days and making the decision, to keep them or return them, when your head is in a better space?

Why do we still do it? Why do we still do things that we already know are wrong ignoring all previous experience? This silly shoe purchase really make me think about it. And here’s what I think.

I have the feeling that the reason we still do things we know are wrong has to do a lot with grasping a moment of freedom.

It’s about doing something spontaneous, even ridiculous, irresponsible, letting go of all common sense for one moment. Just flowing, getting carried away, because there’s less and less of that these days.

 We are constantly overloaded with “die die must dos” and “die die cannot dos” (Singlish used here to the best of my knowledge)

The pressure, particularly for women, is just horrific. About motherhood, about fashion, about ageing. About healthcare and beauty, but also about behaviour and responsibility to set an example. It’s gone to the point that’s just borderline ridiculous.

All the information overload makes us disconnect from our instincts.

We start with just a curious interest, giving things/trends a try, but if we are not careful, soon we end up slaves of the 100,000 commandments of modern womanhood.

I’m talking about the 20 step Korean skin care routine, the 200 supplements, the 20,000 steps a day, the 4 times a week strength training, the protein and the mother of all: the positive parenting.

How to be a better, fitter, younger looking woman and better mother and wife. That stuff follows you like a shadow stuck to your feet silently suggesting that you are not enough.

And why do we judge ourselves so harshly and feel guilty for breaking those ridiculous 100,000 commandments? Who made them on the first place? What authority they have?

I decided a while back to purge my life of silliness and streamline things. Not as another trend or instruction to follow, but as a way to reduce the mental load, to minimise the noise.

For example, I do no longer try to drink a gallon of water a day or even have a water goal, I drink when I’m thirsty. End. I do have a skincare routine (more about this soon) but it does not have 200 products, I do not follow it to the T, or even do it every day.

Not every new thing you try or any new thing that comes out has to be accommodated, most times wedged, into your routine.

We have lost the ability to let go. To try, experiment, have fun doing things and leaving them behind if/when they don’t serve us.

The reality is that not everything (or everybody) that comes to your life is here to stay.

Every new trend or discovery nowadays becomes an obligation, and those just accumulate on a never-ending list of things to do, leaving you exhausted, feeling like a failure and wondering how others do it, and how on earth you are going to have the time to do all of that.

I think my subconscious mind took revenge on my conscious mind and made me buy the bambi shoes. If there wasn’t so many things I’m (still) trying to be on top of, would I have still done this silly exercise of retail therapy dopamine seeking and bought them?

I really do not know, but let’s give ourselves a break here please, and also permission to be spontaneous and make mistakes.

Next time, dear future me, just drop the kid at home and go back for a massage if you feel you need a treat. Or don’t wear the shoes straight away.

Now tell me, what do you think of the bambi shoes? Should I keep them or should they go to Carousell?

Until next time.

Xo xo.